


Not a good day to fall

by TessRinglet



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Chloe doesn't know he is the Devil, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, F/M, Gen, Hurt Lucifer, Nightmares, Not sure how graphic this is, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Chloe Decker, Repressed Memories, Talking, The Fall - Freeform, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 01:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16609046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TessRinglet/pseuds/TessRinglet
Summary: Lucifer makes a deal with Trixie and now has to spend some quality time with the Detective and her spawn. He never expects it to go the way it does. Chloe gets an insight on what's going on in Lucifer's head when no one is watching.





	Not a good day to fall

**Author's Note:**

> I started this fic on a plane (turbulence gave me the idea that Lucifer wouldn't appreciate the sensation).  
> I would say the action is taking place somewhere in season 3 but before the whole Pierce/Chloe fiasco.  
> Enjoy!

_3 month ago_

"Lucifer!" 

He jumped a little, annoyed at himself for getting caught like some amateur right in the middle of the Detective's kitchen. Lucifer was planning a pleasant surprise for her, which obviously required some decent alcohol at their disposal. So, too distracted by hiding a suitable bottle in the depth of a drawer and anticipating Chloe’s reaction when he will finally take it out, Lucifer didn’t notice that someone else has entered the room. 

Fortunately for the careless Devil, it wasn't Chloe or even Maze who walked in on him. 

"What are you doing? And why are you in our kitchen so late?" - asked Trixie in a sleepy voice, rubbing her eyes. 

"I can ask you the same question, child! Aren’t you supposed to be in bed?" - Lucifer quickly recovered after the sudden invasion. 

"I was thirsty." Trixie looked at him, slightly suspicious. "Are you doing something that mommy wouldn't approve?" 

"What? Nonsense! Nothing like that." He poured her a glass of water to get rid of the child before she exposes him completely. "But I would greatly appreciate it if you wouldn't tell your mother about any of this." 

Trixie looked at him over her glass with a sly expression he was already too familiar with. At the same time, he heard a noise upstairs, which meant the Detective was about to come back and he needed to act immediately. For a moment there, Lucifer considered simply telling the offspring what he has planned, but it would take too long to explain and didn’t guarantee her silence. Fortunately, the Devil had enough charms and millennia of experience to get the result he desired. 

"Alright, you little minx, what do you want for your silence? Chocolate cake, perhaps? Money?" 

"Noooo, I have enough money in my piggy bank! I want something else. But not right now." A long yawn interrupted her speech, but it didn’t look like Trixie was about to give up and go back to bed just yet. 

Lucifer was wondering what he was getting himself into - another unicorn on his cheek or something far, far worse, but he didn't have enough time to figure it out because Chloe would be down any second. 

"Fine, you can ask for whatever it is you want later. The deal is a deal, I can assure you. Now go back to your room and don't tell your mother you saw me in here tonight." 

"Okay, Lucifer. Good night!" 

Trixie quickly hugged him - before he had a chance to stop the attack - and ran off, laughing at the startled expression on the face of her favorite Devil. 

She fell asleep smiling.

*** 

_Now_

It was, in a way, worse than a painted unicorn. As a result of the deal Lucifer made a few months back, he was now somewhere far from any of his usual Saturday afternoon spots. But, on the other hand, he got to spend the whole day with Chloe... and her offspring. 

They were in a park with roller coasters, carousels, caramelized apples, popcorn, and a bunch of yelling kids with their parents. And not that Lucifer would admit it to anyone, but he was actually really enjoying it. 

“Well, what do you think? Looks like you are suffering a great deal.” Chloe pointed out, wiping cotton candy from her chin with a sarcastic but amused expression. 

Lucifer chuckled at her wording. 

"I do indeed, Detective. The Devil most definitely does not like being surrounded by loud small humans!" At these words she rolled her eyes, Trixie tried (unsuccessfully) to suppress a giggle, but the smile hiding at the edges of Lucifer's mouth told Chloe everything she needed to know about his current mood. 

While they were waiting in line for a carousel, Trixie was begging her mom to buy some popcorn. After a while, Chloe finally gave in to the puppy eyes, her daughter’s whining about being hungry, and urging requests to “buy it now, please”. Detective left the two of them alone hoping that they would be alright for five minutes without her. 

But as soon as Chloe got out of sight, Trixie grasped Lucifer's hand and dragged him to the drop tower, also known as a free fall tower. 

“Look, Lucifer! I’m old enough to go there! And I need to be 48 inches tall. I’m already 50! But mom still thinks I’m too little for that.” 

There was nothing Lucifer appreciated more than a rebellious spirit, though he had some doubts regarding the Detective’s reaction. But the temptation was too big, so were the eyes of young Beatrice staring back at him with a plea. After all, who was he to stop the urchin from fulfilling her deepest desire? And it’s not like he was letting the child go alone, Lucifer would be there to protect her in case something went wrong. He could deal with a fallout with the Detective later, as always. 

“Alright, then. Let’s do this.” 

Lucifer didn't even ask what the tower was for. He just assumed that it was something exciting, considering the non-stop bubbling and pouring with joy urchin beside him. Even more so, it didn’t really matter. 

They’ve buckled up and started to rise. Fresh air disheveled his accurately styled hair, but he paid no mind – it was inevitable at some point anyway. Lucifer took a deep breath and smiled, enjoying the wind on his face, which briefly reminded him of flying. 

And that’s when everything went straight to Hell. 

They started to fall, and a wave of overwhelming panic covered Lucifer, not leaving space for almost any conscious thought. 

It was happening again. 

_Agonizing, excruciating pain shoots throughout his entire body. Samael is falling through space with his skin getting burned off layer by layer._

Lucifer felt like there wasn't any air, he was gasping for it, but just couldn't get enough to fill out his lungs. 

_The magnificent white wings are useless against the speed, against the ruthless force of the air hitting him, punching him, breaking him._

He had only one thought on his mind - get out of here, get out of the seat. The former ruler of Hell tried to resist the dread creeping its way through his helpless mind. Stop the panic. Stop the memories. Pained cry got stuck in his throat, preventing him from obtaining the so-much-needed oxygen. 

_Any attempt to inhale or scream, to simply open his mouth sends a stream of smoking lava directly into his lungs._

The slipping away reasonable side of Lucifer tried to take back control. Even if he would get out of the seat he would be vulnerable with the Detective still around and in no condition to fly right away. So, the only option left was sitting there, squeezing his handles, and trying to take a breath. A single breath for his dying brain. It definitely felt like dying. 

_Even then, the worst pain is not physical, it is not what’s melting his insights down, but the gravity of what his father just did is…_

Lucifer heard screams of joy from the people around him, but they all sounded like something far away. He shut his eyes and tried to fight the dizziness and darkness he was drowning in. 

_Once so beautiful, the angel of Light is destroyed, torn inside out. And the innocent shining of his soul is now turned into furious flames of Hell._

But when he managed to at least take a couple of short breaths the bloody thing went down again. Lucifer opened his eyes and realized that his vision was getting blurred. 

_There is nothing to soothe the pain or to slow down the fall. No escape. No one could save him now. Even if they wanted to._

Lucifer was fighting the darkness for a while, but it overcame, and the last thing he heard before he lost consciousness was Chloe's voice yelling his name. 

_When he crushes there is no more Samael._

*** 

When Chloe came back with a tub of popcorn to the place she left her daughter and Lucifer they weren't there. For a split second, her mind filled up with fear, but then she frowned, disgruntled with herself for not getting it sooner. After all, she was supposed to be a detective… 

“Well played, monkey!” muttered Chloe, knowing now where to find Trixie. After the first wave of annoyance had passed, she smiled a little, admiring her daughter’s resourcefulness and went straight to the tower Trixie was mumbling about a while back. Chloe knew way too well that Lucifer wouldn't say no to a little adventure, and, apparently, her “offspring” did too. 

By the time she found them the ride was almost over. Chloe saw Trixie's happy face and just couldn't feel angry with her even if she wanted to. The day was too nice to ruin it with bad emotions. 

Then Chloe looked at Lucifer and her chest got tight with worry. Something was terribly wrong: his face was white, and the self-proclaimed Devil was clenching to the seat with his eyes shut. In all the time they’ve known each other Chloe never saw him sick, not to mention so unnaturally pale. The bells in her head immediately started ringing in alarm. 

Soon the seats carefully went down at a slow pace to release the passengers. Chloe briefly checked if Trixie was okay and the latter smiled back with a guilty but undoubtedly gleeful expression. 

After that, the detective turned her attention back to Lucifer right in time to see his eyeballs roll. The picture of unmoving, almost lifeless figure of her partner hanging on the handles made Chloe call out in panic. 

"Lucifer!!!" She rushed to the landing place. 

Chloe took his face in her palms and slapped it a bit. He opened his unseeing eyes filled with so much pain that she flinched. After a few seconds, a sparkle of recognition lighted in Lucifer’s sight. He tiredly closed his eyes and whispered "D'tective...” 

"Hey, hey, can you hear me? Open your eyes, please, look at me, Lucifer!" 

He did as she asked without a word, then attempted to stand up, looking around like a hunted animal. With Chloe’s support, he was able to get out of the damn seat and move aside on his wobbling legs. 

“What happened? Are you alright?” 

She couldn’t shake off the feeling that it wasn’t over yet. Just a quick glance at Lucifer was enough to confirm her suspicion. 

"Can't... Breathe...." 

He was clenching his chest, making wheezing noises, and looking at her like she was his last hope. Lucifer’s eyes, filled with anguish, were begging for her help. Chloe was a trained and experienced police officer, and it didn’t take her long to recognize panic attack symptoms. 

People started to gather around, sighing “Oh my God!” and asking what they can do to help. 

Lucifer was now bent over his knees, trying to inhale and failing at that simple task. His eyes started to tear up, and this rising wild terror only worsened the inability to breathe. 

Chloe needed to do something, and fast, so she ignored her own desperately pounding heart and started talking in a steady and calm voice. 

“Please, move aside! Give him some space.” The crowd moved further away like an ocean wave, following the movement of her badge. Chloe put her hands on Lucifer’s shoulders, trying to establish steady eye contact with him. 

"Look at me, Lucifer! Come on, breathe with me! In and out, in and out. Nice and slow. Here we go." 

After a few unsuccessful attempts, he was able to overcome the spasm constricting his airways and finally take a breath. The relief Lucifer felt reflected in his features; she could feel his tense muscles relax under her touch, meaning that the tactic she chose was working, at last. 

Chloe put fingers on his wrist and found a pulse. It was still rapid, as she expected. Lucifer was literally shaking, and his forehead was covered with sweat. But at least he wasn't about to lose consciousness again, and his breath came much easier now. 

Trixie was sobbing next to them, ready to cry in full, but still holding it back. Chloe’s heart tightened with worry for the second time today, now for her little monkey. She was so tiny, when did she become so brave? 

"Trixie, come here, babe, - she turned to her daughter and hugged her with one hand. The second one was still on Lucifer’s shoulder for support, just in case. “Don't worry, he'll be fine. Everything is going to be okay." The little girl nodded and hid her head in Chloe’s shirt, drenching it with silent tears. 

Chloe took Lucifer’s handkerchief out of the pocket and gently rubbed his forehead. 

"You will be alright. Just stay with me, okay?” He nodded, starting to look embarrassed. 

"I'm terribly sorry for ruining your day, Detective.” The words came out strained, it sounded like Lucifer’s throat was adjusting to speaking again. 

“Child, I apologize, I didn't expect such a reaction from this tortures ride." He attempted to chuckle, and Chloe sighed in relief. He was slowly coming back to his charming and confident self. 

"You have absolutely nothing to apologize for!" The detective caressed his arm in a soothing gesture. 

"I'm glad you are better, Lucifer, - said Trixie, swallowing her tears and hugging him, - I'm so sorry, it’s all my fault." 

"No, child... Beatrice” The girl, completely stunned, looked him directly in the eyes for the first time since the whole incident started. To be honest, Chloe was staring at Lucifer as well, very much surprised and a little concerned now that the lack of oxygen did something to his already fragile brains. After all, he just called her daughter by name. 

“It is not and never will be your fault in any way.” Lucifer was holding his almost unblinking gaze on Trixie. Looked like he was trying to deliver his point perfectly clear, make her believe without doubts. “I have a rather complicated past, with lots of things that happened to me and to others because of me. And you are in no way responsible that some suppressed memories of mine popped up while you were nearby, do you understand?" 

Trixie nodded, not entirely convinced, but not in tears anymore, finally letting Lucifer go. 

Chloe didn’t say anything during this little exchange, carefully observing her still unusually pale partner. It’s not like her head wasn’t bursting with questions, on the opposite: she desperately wanted to ask him what all of this was about. But Chloe didn't want to traumatize Lucifer even further, especially not in front of all these people. So, she decided to switch off her interrogation mode for a while and wait until an appropriate moment would come. 

*** 

Lucifer fell asleep in her car on their way back to her place. The fact that he was exhausted told Chloe more about how shaken he actually was than any words could. And now he was moaning in his sleep, moving restlessly from side to side, not able to get some peace even there. 

He woke up with a gasp, just when Chloe wanted to wake him, with his eyes wide open and filled with fear. It took Lucifer a few seconds to realize that it was just a nightmare. 

"Hey, are you okay?" - asked Chloe softly to not wake up Trixie. 

"I will be, Detective." After a few seconds of hesitation, he added, - "The fall... It was…" 

He shuddered and took a big sip from his flask. At this point, Chloe couldn’t believe that there was still something left inside. 

Lucifer went silent for a while, and she thought that this was all she would ever get as an explanation. But then he started talking, slowly and hesitantly, carefully choosing his every word. 

"The memories, they came back to haunt me down when I least expected it, caught me off guard. It all happened so long ago, Detective, I thought I left it behind me. I mean, not the main event, of course, I could never forget what He did to me, but the rest... After all this time. It felt so real…” 

He shivered, staring out of the window at the busy streets of LA. 

“And here I am, the mighty Devil, drowning in my sorrows. What I don’t understand is why? Why now? What’s changed? And what is wrong with me?” 

Chloe had an impression that Lucifer was talking more to himself now then to her, but it was alright. She was driving silently, letting him process everything that has happened. The fact that he was thinking out loud while she was right next to him meant he trusted Chloe enough to let her in on his inner world. Knowing how private Lucifer was about everything that included strong emotions and his traumatic background experience, she was appreciating the little information he shared. 

The last phrase, though, pushed up her quickly rising anger. 

“Nothing is wrong with _you_! Don’t you ever think that!” her voice quivered, filled with emotions. Lucifer gave her one of those glances like she was some kind of a miracle, a freaking unicorn. Just for saying things in his defense. 

All that time she had a nasty feeling in the back of her neck telling her that the terrible memories that flooded Lucifer’s mind were somehow connected to his abusive father and the scars. And when he indirectly confirmed it, stating “what _He_ did to me”, all she wanted was to find the bastard responsible for messing up Lucifer so badly he might never fully recover and punish that scumbag. 

“Sorry for startling you and your spawn. And for letting her go on the ride in the first place." Chloe, momentarily distracted from her unpleasant thoughts, smiled softly at him. She couldn't believe that after Trixie basically dragged him to the tower, where Lucifer relived possibly the worst moments of his life, had a panic attack so bad he fainted, he was apologizing to _her_. He was unbelievable. 

"Are you angry with me?" Lucifer looked at her when she didn't comment his previous phrase. 

And at that moment Chloe realized that he was living like this his whole life - ready to take a bit, prepared for rejection and hatred, but still feeling the pain when it was happening again. Hiding behind his cheerful and careless self, expecting everybody to leave after his first mistake. Lucifer didn't think he deserved happiness. Or love, for that matter. 

In that moment of sudden revelation, Chloe was able to grasp just how much unshared pain he bore with him every day, pushing it deeper and deeper down, too afraid to tell anyone and get rejected again. It’s not like she didn’t know before that Lucifer was lonely, she just never fully saw the depth of the damage he suffered, only glimpses and pieces. Besides, Lucifer was frustratingly good at distracting and redirecting her thoughts by annoying the hell out of her. 

Now she could understand him a little better than yesterday. That thought warmed up her heart. 

Chloe wished she knew the right words to make him open up, let her in, let her help. Make him realize that whatever he might have to say wouldn't change the way she felt about him. But something was always holding Lucifer back, and for some reason he wasn’t ready to share, not just yet. It was impossibly painful to simply wait and watch him suffer alone, but the last thing she wanted was to push too hard and crack the hard-earned level of trust he seemed to have for her now. So, Chloe promised herself to do everything in her power to make him feel safe and loved, cared for. She could offer him her silent support, a friendly shoulder to lean on. And, hopefully, one day he would be ready to tell her everything. 

"No, Lucifer, not at all. And if you ever want to talk about anything, anything at all, or share your story with me - I'm here for you." 

"I know, Detective. I know." 

And in that moment, she wished he really did.

**Author's Note:**

> Whoooh, this thing just got out of my control, like a nose swelling after a bee sting. Believe me, you don’t want to know how short this fic was supposed to be initially. Anyways, hope you enjoyed!  
> P.S. I’m not a native English speaker, so, sorry for any errors.  
> P.P.S. Almost forgot – I don’t own anything, please don’t sue me for publishing this fic.


End file.
